Just Believe
by NickyM96
Summary: [MSR] Scully searches for a source of faith. Post ep for This Is Not Happening.


Title - Just Believe  
  
Author - Nicky  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Classification - Vignette, Mulder/Scully Romance, Scully Angst  
  
Keywords - MSR, Scully Angst  
  
Spoilers - This Is Not Happening  
  
Summary - Scully searches for a source of faith.  
  
Disclaimer - These characters don't belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter and 1013 productions.  
  
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It's amazing the lengths a person will go to in order to avoid the unavoidable. Skinner heaves a frustrated sigh as he watches the small woman rush from room to room of the apartment, furiously cleaning or dusting anything in her path. He's heard of the nesting instinct, but this is ridiculous. The place is already cleaner than it's ever been.  
  
Skinner wonders to himself how he would know something like that. As far as he can remember, he's never been in Dana Scully's apartment before . . . Well, just before. 'Before' really is a benign little word, simple and harmless. Yet powerful all by itself when used in the context to refer to the time before all of this happened. The time when Mulder was still alive.  
  
It seems like both forever and no time at all since they found him. It's a day Skinner knows he'll never forget. It plays over and over in his mind every time he closes his eyes. Seeing Mulder lying on that ground, so still, so lifeless almost stopped his own heart. He knew without even checking that the man had been dead. Long dead by the looks of it. Although all conversation stopped at the discovery of his body, one question seemed to reverberate though the chilling silence. Who's going to tell Agent Scully?   
  
He accepted the responsibility. But in the end, he chickened out. He never actually told her. He couldn't seem to find the words. So he just cowardly led her to the body, and watched from a distance as she gently cradled her slain partner's still from. There weren't any tears. Just whimpers of denial before she stood abruptly and took off in the direction of the compound.  
  
Once again he drew the lot of tracking her down, finding her back in the room she was in before. Except this time she was down on the floor, on her knees, crying harder than he's ever seen anyone cry before. He couldn't do anything more than kneel next to her, gather her in his arms, and cry along with her.  
  
That breakdown was nearly a week ago. Now, she doesn't sit still long enough for tears. She's just a blur as she blazes past him with a vacuum cleaner in hand. Enough is enough, he decides. There isn't one speck of anything left to vacuum. She's only unnecessarily exhausting herself. At first he thought she just needed the distraction so he allowed her the extra activity. Now he realizes she's just trying to avoid thinking about the situation all together. He can't take her restlessness anymore, so he gently grabs her by the arm on her way past him.  
  
"Dana," he says softly. Dana. Not Scully. Never just Scully. Not anymore. He called her that once since Mulder's death. And he still can't get the sight of her crumbling into tears afterwards out of his mind. So he makes sure not to repeat that mistake. It's Dana now.   
  
"Why don't you rest?" he suggests.   
  
"I'm fine," she mutters, pulling herself from his grasp. She pushes the vacuum to the wall and plugs it in. "My mother will be here any minute and I don't want the place to be a mess."  
  
"The place is . . ." He's cut off by a knocking on the door and finds himself sighing his relief. That must be her mother. Maybe she can talk some sense into her daughter.  
  
He walks to the door and opens it, letting in Mrs. Scully and Bill Jr. when he sees that it really is them. There have been a surprising number of nosey reporters darkening her doorstep this past week.  
  
"Mr. Skinner," Mrs. Scully says, clearly surprised to see the man at her daughter's apartment. "Where's Dana?"  
  
Skinner looks around the room and sees that Scully has disappeared. The vacuum cleaner is still by the wall where she left it.  
  
"I'm not sure. I've been trying to get her to get some rest. Maybe she's finally listening to me," he says with a shrug.  
  
"That's good," Mrs. Scully nods before turning to her son. "This is Dana's brother, Bill Jr."  
  
"We met at the hospital a few years ago," Skinner says, shaking the man's hand. "It's good to see you again."  
  
"Same here," Bill says. "Thank you for being here with Dana through this. But you don't have to bother yourself anymore. Her family is here now."  
  
Skinner eyes Bill for a moment, trying to figure out if the man is just concerned for his sister or if he's intentionally trying to be rude. He decides to ignore the comment for now and is about to announce his plans to stick around when they all see Scully exiting her bedroom with purse and keys in hand.  
  
"Dana, Honey. Where are you going?" her mother asks. "We just got here."  
  
"Mom. Bill. I didn't even realize you were here," she says, seeming genuinely surprised to see them there. "I'll be right back. I need to pick up Mulder's suit from the cleaners."  
  
"I already did that and dropped it off at the funeral home," Skinner tells her, becoming more and more concerned by her absentmindedness. But then again, he can hardly blame her if she can't concentrate on anything.  
  
"Well, I also need some new black shoes. The ones I have are too tight. My feet are swelling," she admits to him quietly.  
  
"Then that means you need to rest," Skinner says, giving her a stern look. She tries to protest, but he gets even tougher. "Now, Agent Scully. That's an order."  
  
She pouts and folds her arms across her chest. But she sees that he's not going to back down and stomps over to the couch. Skinner comes over and makes her lay down, putting her feet up on some pillows.  
  
"Try not to let her get up," he tells Mrs. Scully as he walks to the front door. She'll probably want some time alone with her family and he could use some fresh air. Her mother will be sure to watch after her. "She really doesn't need to be on her feet."  
  
"Okay," she nods, confused at the man's apparent concern for her daughter's health. She makes a mental note to ask Dana what's going on after he leaves. With one last smile, she opens the door and lets the man out, turning back to her daughter after the door closes.  
  
"What's that all about?" she asks curiously.  
  
"Just Skinner being Skinner," Scully says in an annoyed tone. "He thinks he's the boss of me in work and out of it."  
  
"Well, I can see how he'd get the impression he'd be able to get away with it. You certainly let that partner of yours run every part of your life," Bill mumbles. "And it looks as if he's still doing it, right from the grave."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean, Bill?" she asks wearily, the frustration and exhaustion obvious to anyone who looks at her.   
  
"Look at yourself, Dana. You look as if you're about to fall over. He's dead. But you're about to kill yourself trying to do stuff for him still. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to join him."  
  
She closes her eyes and lets out a guilty sigh. If he only knew how often that very thought crossed her mind. It would be the easy way. Much easier than dealing with all of this. Much easier than living without him.  
  
"Bill," she says, her voice starting to waver with unshed tears. "I have to do this for him. He doesn't have anyone else."  
  
"No, Dana you don't. I got sick and tired of him controlling you while he was alive. He's gone. *You* are not responsible for him. *You* don't need to concern yourself with any of this. I'm sorry he doesn't have family or anything, Dana, but you . . . "  
  
"He has family," she says angrily, the chill in her voice turning his blood cold. She can't believe he would suggest otherwise. "I am his family."  
  
She looks down at her stomach, the scowl on her face turning into a sad smile. Her hands move to gently caress the small mound, drawing comfort from the tiny life growing within.   
  
"*We* are his family," she adds quietly.  
  
"Dana," she hears her mother gasp. The woman moves quickly across the room and sits next to her daughter on the couch. "Are you saying that . . . you're pregnant? Are you having a baby?"  
  
Scully shuts her eyes and silently berates herself for her slip. This is not how she planned on telling her family about the baby. It's not like she was trying to keep it a secret from them. She was going to tell them, but she was hoping that she'd find Mulder in time so that he could tell them with her. This should have been their news to share - together. Instead, it's just a reminder of all she'll have to face from now on without him.  
  
"He never even knew," she answers with a sob, the tears finally making their way free. She collapses into her mother's arms, no longer able to keep the grief inside.  
  
"Oh, Dana. I'm so sorry," Mrs. Scully cries, her own tears drenching her face. Not only for the pain her daughter is feeling, but for the ache she feels in her own heart at the loss of Mulder. She had grown to love the man as much as one of her own children. And the fact that he loved her daughter so much made her care about him that much more.   
  
"Wait a minute. You're pregnant?" Bill yells as it all begins to click into place. "That no good . . . he knocks you up and then ditches you?"  
  
"William Scully, Jr. That is enough," Mrs. Scully demands. "Fox did not ditch your sister. He loved Dana very much. And she loved him." She presses a soothing kiss to Scully's forehead before turning her teary eyes back to her ranting son. "Whether you like it or not, we considered him a part of this family."  
  
"I can't believe he got to you too, Mom. That man has been nothing but trouble for us since the day Dana met him. Fox Mulder is no more a part of this family than that spawn of his," Bill says, gesturing angrily towards Scully's stomach.  
  
Scully flinches, Bill's words hitting her like bullets. But with more strength she thought she had, she finds herself rising from her seat on the couch and standing to face the man threatening her family.  
  
"If that's how you feel, Bill, then what are you even doing here?" she asks coolly, her icy facade seemingly sending the temperature in the room plummeting at least ten degrees.  
  
"I'm here because you're my sister and I love you," Bill says. "You deserve better than this life you've settled for with that loser. I want you to come out to San Diego with Tara and me and start over. We're your family too. Let us take care of you."  
  
"You don't want to take care of me. You want to control me," she says through clenched teeth. She's barely able to contain her anger. "You know nothing about what Mulder and I have been through these past eight years."  
  
"He's been here for both Dana and I when you and Charlie haven't been able to," Mrs. Scully adds. "And there have been times I know that only Fox could have helped me through. Like that time your sister disappeared. He was the only one who believed she was coming back. And he helped me to believe as well."  
  
"He's been my family. And I have been his," Scully continues. "So I refuse to stand here and listen to you reject my child because he has Mulder blood running through his veins. If my child isn't welcome in this family, then I certainly can't be a part of it."   
  
"But Dana," he tries again to convince her, but she cuts him off.  
  
"Get out, Bill," she whispers with her last ounce of strength before turning to walk into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.  
  
"Mom, talk to her. Tell her a clean start is what she needs to get Mulder out of her life once and for all," Bill pleads.  
  
"I thought I taught you better than this," she sighs, ashamed at her son's behavior. "Have you no compassion?"  
  
"Well I can't just stand here and let her continue to throw her life away. Mulder's gone. She should get away while she can."  
  
"Mulder's always going to be with her," she says. "He's a part of everyone who loved him. He's a part of that child your sister is carrying so close to her heart. She'll never get away from him."  
  
"That's too bad," Bill frowns. "I still say she deserves better."  
  
"I think you should go, Bill," Mrs. Scully says sadly, too weary to go another round with her son.  
  
He lets out a deep breath and nods his head, knowing there's nothing else he can say on the matter. He gives his mother a kiss on her cheek before walking out the door. Mrs. Scully follows the path her daughter took into the bedroom.  
  
"Dana?" she calls out, spying the woman's shaking form curled up on the bed. She goes to sit on the bed next to her. "It's just me, Honey. I sent Bill away. I doubt he'll make it to the funeral tomorrow."  
  
"I don't even know if I'll make it tomorrow," Scully says with a sniff as she rolls over onto her back. "I don't think I can bury him, Mom. It'll be like burying my own soul."  
  
"I know. Believe me, I know," her mother says, wiping away the tears falling on both their faces. "But you can do this. I know you can. You're a fighter. A survivor. And I know you won't give up. Fox would want you to go on. He would want you to take care of this little one. This baby is your family now. A little piece of Fox you'll be able to carry with you forever." She gives her daughter a small smile and gently places her hand on Scully's rounded belly.   
  
"Bill's never going to forgive me," Scully realizes. "But you're right. I have my own family to look out for now. And as long as we're here, Mulder will still be alive. He'll be alive in our hearts."  
  
"You can do this. You just have to believe." Mrs. Scully says as she presses a kiss to her forehead.   
  
"Mulder was the believer," Scully says, a small smile coming to her face. "And I have the strength of his beliefs."  
  
A yawn escapes and before she even realizes, she's drifting off to some much needed sleep. But one thought remains in her mind, as if it's being whispered into her ear. The strength of his beliefs brought her back from the dead. It'll certainly be able to get her through this.   
  
The end. 


End file.
